Our Story : Deferred Hope To A Dream Fulfilled
It's finally time. Time to share OUR story. For those of you who have been following us, you may be wondering about our story since we have become so passionate about health and healing. Why are we in the place we are now?
In this post, I'm going to share about how we have come from despair to carrying hope. This is our journey and our testimony.
Where do I begin? (Melody's Thoughts)
As you look at the picture above, you see that we will be expecting a son this coming October. We are thrilled and so thankful to be in this journey of pregnancy and becoming parents to children on earth. The thing you may not know is what our journey has been like to get to this place. For this dream to be in the making, it has been filled with many questions, tears, learning, waiting, trusting God, and surrendering of ourselves. When my husband and I got married, never in our minds would we have thought that we would have the struggles we had. You never know the journey you will be on until you are in it. This is a story of "Pain to Purpose". As you look at statistics, 1 in 4 women will experience some type of fertility issue. Whether it's not being able to get pregnant, having miscarriages or ectopic pregnancies, or still births. Many women will say that are 1 in 4. I however, will never say that. Most would say I am, but I chose to no longer put that "label" on myself or identity with it. What we say about ourselves and what we identify with affects how we live our lives. If you are reading this and you are 1 in 4, my hearts goes out to you, and you should never be ashamed. Your story is not over yet. That statistic can and will change, one life at a time.
Hope- such a simple concept-yet such a profound reality and turning point in peoples' lives. If you want to see miracles happen in your life and in the lives of people around you, you have to believe. However, before belief, there has to be hope. Even if it is just a little glimmer of hope, a spark so to speak, can change the trajectory of an entire generation! This is that kind of story. Melody and I are eleted and humbled to share this miracle with you. This has all the elements of some of our favorite stories- love, romance, fear, loss, pain, sorrow, doubt, learning, growing, laughter, breakthrough, and finally, good triumphs over evil! May the God of Hope fill you as you experience this story.
The battle of fertility (Melody's thoughts)
Three years this coming July, and four years this coming October are the months we lost our first two babies. Fragile, precious, made by God, and gone too soon from this world. I'm not only a mom to be, but already am a mom to the children I have in heaven. Never would I have thought that these loses would shape the person of who I am today and be on the path I am on now with my husband. Our pain has turned into purpose, but it didn't happen fast, and it wasn't fun. You may be experiencing similar things, whether you lost a child, or you long to have a baby to love and to hold. Pain is pain. Purpose is purpose. Though our stories may be different, there is one thing in common. We all grieve and we all experience pain. However, we can all experience healing too. How we choose to go through and come out of it shapes who we will become.
After two loses, I could not bare going through it again. I had to find out what was going on in my body and why this was happening. I knew I was not strong enough to go through this alone. I knew I needed someone greater than myself, my father God. As I went the medical route, they told me everything looked fine and I should have no problem carrying a baby. At that point, I wanted to scream inside. " You don't understand, this isn't right, this doesn't just happen, there is a reason." Since that brought me no answers we looked to a more natural route and worked with bio identical hormones, thinking that this would be the solution. Wrong again. I was on a bio identical with my second pregnancy and progesterone appeared to be fine but yet again I had lost a precious baby. At that point I didn't know what else to do, but I did know I was not going to give up. I knew I was to be a mother.
The unrelenting visceral pain pierced through my entire being- my body, my spirit, my heart, my mind, my marrow- to the very core. It was the kind of pain I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. As our first baby's lifeless body was sent swirling down the toilet bowl with the release of the flush hand, my entire being was sent swirling into mourning and despair. I was angry, confused, full of sorrow, and mad at God. "How could He let this happen?" I thought as my clenched fist plunged through our sheetrock wall. It wasn't supposed to go this way. Pain has a funny way of searing memories into your mind. This was that kind of day for me. It was October 1st, 2017. The Minnesota Vikings were hosting the Detroit Lions at U.S. Bank Stadium. My dad and I had field level sideline tickets. I love the Vikings. I inherited that from my dad and it has been a bond we've shared since circa 1998. That morning I had to call my dad and explain that Melody was having the symptoms of early pregnancy loss and that I wouldn't be able to attend. That phone call was hard, but it was nothing compared to hell I experienced later that day. I had to watch the Vikings game from a hospital that day and they suffered an ugly loss. I am in no way trying to compare a football game to the loss of a child, but rather, I feel the Vikings game was just so symbolic of the pain we were experiencing that day. I remember the moment like it was yesterday. In one ear I heard the Vikings losing to Detroit as our star running back, Dalvin Cook suffered a season ending knee injury. In the other ear: "I'm sorry, but your baby has no heartbeat."
That night, my father-in-law had a dream about a beautiful, blonde little lady calling him, "Grandpa," in Heaven. Her name is Esther. I can't wait to meet her someday.
It didn't take to long for Melody and I to conceive another miracle. His name is Nehemiah and I believe he is playing with his sister in Heavenly places. The second loss felt different than the first one. It felt like an 'out of body' experience. I was callused and numb. I was in disbelief. Hopelessness started to set in. We were tormented with fear and hopelessness. No one could offer us insight, encouragement, or guidance. Our medical doctors just told us to try again and that miscarriage is so common. They offered no hope, no ideas, and no solution. It was like they were numb and didn't really care or know what to do. We saw a 'natural' doctor and that experience wasn't much better. She had an idea about low progesterone, but levels were actually very good (2nd trimester numbers) when we lost Nehemiah at 8 weeks. We were without hope and without peace. I imagine that is what hell is like.
After our second loss, we went on a vacation to Yellowstone National Park and Grand Teton National Park. We had a lot of drive time and time under the starts to pray, reflect, research, and digest what was happening and where our life was going. We were begging God for some answers and hope. Through our travels we encountered a network of health restoration clinics called, "The Wellness Way," lead by Doctor Patrick Flynn. God used his wife, Christy's, story as the ember and spark of hope for us. It was as tangible as the sparks from the campfire we were sitting by.
A new perspective (Melody's Thoughts)
Many tears had been shed and the battle of fear waged war inside of me. It was hard to trust and hard to keep peace in my life. It was hard to be joyful for others when they had something that I so deeply wanted and longed for. I didn't know what to do. Finally one day, I had an impression to get in contact with a restorative health clinic. They have them all over the country and world now, and I was so thankful there were some clinics in Minnesota. The Wellness Way perspective became something that we had never been shown before. A perspective that we had never even thought about or considered. As I had been asking for God's wisdom and guidance, this was where he was leading me. The biggest thing I took away was that they gave HOPE. Hope that no one else had given. Giving hope means the world to someone going through a hard season of life. So, as I started on my journey, we essentially found many things that were stressing my body out. I had so much stress that my body was not able to carry a baby. Just one more thing it could not handle. I didn't just have one thing but many, and mold toxicity ended up being the biggest culprit. We had to change our whole lifestyle because of it. Major changes happened (more on this another time). I have to say, I'm so glad I was on this journey because I never would have been as passionate and interested in natural health as I am now. My goal is to bring the same hope that I received. Hope is coming your way.
For the sake of time, I won't go into great detail about our "Wellness Way," journey on this blog, but don't worry- as Melody said- we will be releasing all of those as we go! I will touch on some big picture things. The greatest thing they gave us was hope. Nobody in the medical field or the natural field could do that for us. The Wellness way is neither the medical route or the natural route. They provided a completely different way of thinking and a revolutionary approach to health care. They took the time to run various tests on both of us to identify stressors and eliminate them. They used only organic, natural herbs, supplements, and therapies to help restore our bodies back to God's original intent and provided tremendous support along the way. The stories of breakthrough and the community of people are tremendous. It was the spark of hope that we needed so much so, that we decided to join the "Wellness Way" movement! We are now equipped to apply this way of thinking to your individual needs! We pray that much like our the Flynn's story provided us with hope, that our story will be the spark of hope in your life!
The test of trust (Melody's thoughts)
Through my journey, I did a lot of things for my health so I could heal and get better, but most of all, my character and spiritual life was changed forever. I remember two to three years ago highlighting various verses in my Bible because I knew the promises God had for me. I read them everyday for days on end. I held onto the truth that fulfillment was coming, he promised it. When would that fulfillment come? I didn't know, I had to trust that where he had me, was where he wanted me. I never prayed so much or read so much in my life as I did the last couple years. It's what brought me closer to God because only he could truly restore my entire being. Body, spirit, soul. Over the last couple of years I have had many words spoken over me, prayers prayed, or truths said. All finally came to fruition this year. Of course this family of ours is still in the making, but it is a complete miracle that God has done. He truly was the one that led me on the path that I am on now and brought healing. He was always good. Though I had many hard days, he was always there. As my trust grew, I grew closer to him and learned how to hear his voice. Finally he spoke louder than ever- that I would have a child this year. I had to let my faith be bigger than my fears, and once I did, fear left!
We love Proverbs 13:12! We love it because we are living it. We have experienced the hope being deferred in our lives. Maybe you have been there. Maybe you are there. It physically makes you sick as the hopelessness sets in. This is never what God intended! Our God is the God of hope. He proved that in our story. Life is hard. There are ups and there are downs, but through it all God is still good! He is ruling, reigning, and on the throne right now. God supernaturally healed and restored our bodies to be fruitful, to multiply, and to make babies. It is His design. We had to cling to His word that it IS His idea and that what He started, He will finish! We received a timely prophetic word in October of 2020 (it is such a God thing that we received in on the SAME day that is now our sons' due date)! We were encouraged that the time is NOW to BELIEVE. We had to take that and contend for God's word to come to pass. He is faithful and He has given us Authority to call down Heaven to Earth! This is part of His design and He wants you to be healthy and whole! He has come to give life and give it abundantly! Whatever it is that you are hoping for- I see this story as the ember, the spark, that ignites hope and belief in your spirit that manifests itself in this physical realm! Contend for your hopes standing on the word of God. This is a season of supernatural breakthrough for God's people! The time is NOW to BELIEVE!
"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a dream fulfilled is a tree of life."
You are not broken
Many of you may be reading this and may be happy for me, but on the inside you feel sorrow or pain. Let me tell you, "your story is not over yet, you are not broken, you can be restored". That looks different for each person, but I know that it is possible. You only have to start believing. Start believing for your miracle, even if its not for a child and its for something else, believe now. Trust now. There is no better time than now. You don't have to live in pain and sorrow forever, joy will come. Peace will come.
For the sake of not making this blog too long, I will have more of my story in the future as well as videos. You can join me on our website, facebook page, instagram, or youtube channel where I also will be sharing my journey of a healthy pregnancy as well as other health tips. Feel free to share this to encourage others in your life that could use this encouragement. If you or anyone want guidance on their health journey, always feel free to reach out to us and we would love to hear your story and help in the ways we can. I hope you can be blessed and encouraged by our story!